You've been gone almost 4 years and yet the moment I knew I lost you still seems like yesterday! I still talk to you like you are here most days, I still have the urge to pick up the phone and send a text to your mom's phone for you. Sometimes I find myself replaying moments from the many Fridays we spent together. Some of them bring me close to tears, others leave me smiling so big that I'm afraid my head is going to turn inside out or, worst case scenario, burst. You are my entire world, I knew I loved you before I met you, and I know I always will!
Now, in the above paragraph, I referred to you in past tense. However, you know I don't do that regularly. You know that I know that you're here with me all the time, and you also know that I know that there are physical things to prove it! Take, for example, the fact that you recently knocked Elliot's bucket of markers and paints off the TOP of the refrigerator! How about the moment when mom was sitting on the couch and you decided to randomly push all the change out of her pocket? How about the fact that every night when I talk to you or when we pray I feel tingles throughout my entire body? How about the fact that there are seemingly random times where my left hand pulsates, almost as if somebody is squeezing it? How about the intermittent tingle on the left side of my lower lip?
There are so many other examples I could list, but if I were to list them all, it would probably take me the better part of a couple months and it would be way too much to put here. The point is that now you aren’t reliant on one method of communication to get your thoughts across, but instead you have an infinite number of ways of doing so and I feel like you're going to use every way you can possibly think of! I love and miss you every single day with everything that I am and everything I ever will be but your physical signs and symbols keep me smiling, laughing, and most of all, comforted!
I know it's going to be a while before you and I will be chasing rainbows together, but until then, you keep chasing them grabbing them and adding them to your collection. Eventually that will be OUR collection and it will happen the moment that you and I chase, catch, skip hand-in-hand over to your treasure box of rainbows, place each of our hands on the rainbow, and place it into your treasure box. At that exact moment the treasure box will go from YOUR treasure box to OUR treasure box! Although I look forward to that moment more than you know, I know I've still got work here to do and I know I'm not going to be rewarded with your sweet face and embrace until it's all done. The way I look at it is that the longer we have to wait to be in the same place, the sweeter it will be. At times though, I find it hard not to count down the minutes and seconds!
I love you beyond measure darling!
